Anxiety

I wake up feeling panicked
My pills are in the cabinet
Takes all the strength I have to just
Ignore them as I pass it
Man, I hope this feeling passes
Soon, been hell and back, it's barely noon
I'm scared to go outside, shit
I'm surprised I even left my room
And it feels like no one understand how
Bad I'd love to join my friends
It's hard to breathe
I'm anxious and I'll end
Up staying home instead
The doctor hasn't helped me much
He signs his name, i buy the drugs
I'm feeling weird, I take one out
It makes me feel comfortably numb
Man, I can't handle my emotions
Like I used to, it's all different now
I start to sweat, I feel
Confused, my fingers shake
My heartbeat pounds
And I'm feeling claustrophobic every
Time the closet closes
'Cause my skeletons are in there
So I have to leave it open
I'm just nervous over nothing
Even shit I can't control
I used to love to be in public
Now I'd rather be alone
And even though it's difficult
It's probably for the best
If I didn't make a change
I would've drank myself to death
Then I wake up feeling better than
I did the day before
But then it hit's me out of nowhere
And almost knocks me to the floor
A heaviness, a readiness to get back into bed
A sadness that I can't explain
A cloud over my head
My deepest, darkest fears
Feel like they're filling up an ocean
And I'm floating on the surface with
No hope to keep me going
I've been down on myself, man
I forgot how to believe in me
I never asked for help
Now I just struggle with it secretly
I wish that it was something I
Could sweep under the carpet
Tryna hide it all the time
Only makes the battle harder
Man, I lived a lot of moments
That I probably should've cherished
Now they seem so far away from me
I'm angry and embarrassed
I can't even tell my parents
They don't need to keep on worrying
My mama and my papa don't deserve
To have to bury me
I hope the pills I have will
Hold me over for a while
I'll keep searching for the strength
To find my smile