The Cleansing

I think it's easy to be happy
I just haven't tried, not hard enough
Brain up here getting real active
I don't wanna lie, it ain't hard to bluff
Gut telling me to be rapping
I try and I try but the heart is tough
I act like I ain't seen that shit
And yes I am talking about my mom
You weren't here for us
No, don't regret what you did, it's steering us, hope it was selfish
Decision you made, don't let it be accident
Wish you were here but my life isn't asking it
Dream of us talking so I deal with the lack of it
Tired of pain, not of feeling but masking it
Shit about life, I ain't even lived half of it
Dream is to make bread delivering raps
And it's why I train every day for a crazy reason
It's why I say I moved like a locomotive
January 7th ain't my birthday, Jesus
It's my lesser mood with the worse emotions
Now I been feeling like a 100 bucks, that's a C-Note, piano keys
It hit when she said that I'm the one, reload, I'm Keanu Reeves

Decisions will fly if you've given the time
It's hitting my mind, fist in the eye, no kid I'm quite dim
I'm speaking to mic to hear it when I mix it tonight
Moving stiff, them strings in my mind
Losing this, I'm sinking deprived
Cuz I'm stuck at home all day
What if I could get faded?
Can't trap myself in my brain
Cuz I know that I'm dangerous
And the creative got weak
So weak that I'm left with
50 song ideas
But I'm out of tune for the exit

Back to my mother
Should turn my back to the past
But now on the real, I'm just backing my mother
Art is to suffer, I sang it on go
But fuck it cuz until I blow
I'll never give up, you are the reason
Saw what you did, I would never repeat it
Play with my knife to control it and feel
But one thing I don't play is my role cuz I fill it
This is my life I'll be damned if I live it
No, this is my life I'll be damned if I leave it
Was latched on the fucked up part
Courage in it, I act with the gut while I lack what I fucked
But in fact I was stuck with the debt I deserved
I opened my vision, got frozen in instance
But owned to my system, I get what I earned
Forget what I learned
Wasn't hating myself I was hating my shell
Had to get it all out like when Em said "Michelle"
Now my guns aimed at a leaded direction
My life a movie that needed direction
Personality unique, complete it and best it
Protect it all white like I'm fighting and fencing
Can't jump over that shit, they might get defensive
If I can't put myself first that's a sentence

I wish that you knew me better (Know you better)
That, I had to let you know (Yeah, yeah)
And I wish that you held me better (Held me better)
But I gotta hold my own, hold my own
Yeah yeah, this my cleansing
Since in Lisbon I was sent in
I used to think this was a sentence
But a lot changed since I was seven, seven yeah

Aight, I'm out