Delaney's Donkey

Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired
Temporarily lazy and permanently tired
A leg at every corner balancing his head
And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed

Riley slyly said we've underrated it
Why not train it, then they took a rag?
They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embrocated it
Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag

There was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it
Hogan, Logan and everyone in town
Lined up, attackin' it and shovin' it and smackin' it
They might as well have tried to push the town hall down

The donkey was eyein' them, openly defyin' them
Winkin', blinkin' and twistin' out of place
Riley reversin' it, everybody cursin' it
The day Delaney's donkey ran the half mile race

The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch
They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch
Delaney lay exhausted, hangin' round his throat
With a grip just like a Scotsman on the five pound note

Starter, Carter, he lined up with the rest of them
When it saw them, it was willin' then
It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of them
They started off to cheer it but it changed its mind again

And there was Riley pushin' it, shovin' it, shushin' it
Hogan, Logan and Mary Ann Macgraw
She started pokin' it an' grabbin' it an' chokin' it
It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-hah

The whigs and conservatives, the radical superlatives
Liberals and tories, they hurried to the place
Stood there in unity, helpin' the community
The day Delaney's donkey ran the halfmile race

The crowd began to cheer it, then Rafferty, the judge
He came up to assist them, but still it wouldn't bud
And the jockey who was riding, little John MacGee
Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went to have his tea

Hagan, Fagan was students of psychology
Swore they'd shift it with some dynamite
They bought it, brought it, then without apology
The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the darn stuff out of sight

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it and shushing it
Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew
Police, and auxiliary
The Garrison Artillery
The Second Enniskillen's and the Life Guards too

They seized it and harried it
They picked it up and carried it
Cheered it, steered it to the winning place

Then the Bookies drew aside,
They all commited suicide
The day Delaney's donkey won the half mile race