Hi

hi! I'm vera
neither here nor there
fake food in a shop window
a serial experiment
a girl between two worlds
in and out of touch
came out to my friends
drank till I didn't care enough

drunk and scared and ill prepared I type these silly words instead
of caring enough to equip this quiver and fire off one of these prewritten letters
so, fuck it I'm trans I'm scared to come out shout out to alcohol I'm sorry I'm loud
hardly on beat but it had to be said
fuck
ill compose myself so much better on track I swear!

once I catch my breath
once I let it build
once I relapse
into being someone else

so, hey hi I'm tac
there's nothing wrong
don't care about myself
except when making songs
stuck within a lie
told myself I wouldn't tell
wish I could just go
and be all by myself

the jury is out
typing their messages now
I've read all their faces
I know in my heart that
this group is a mixture
of love and hatred
and I wish that I didn't
have to test the waters by just jumping in
callously
with bare feet
I hope my family catches me
I hope my friends will be there for me
I'm not hard to find
I spend most days collecting dust
I spend most days collecting trust
of strangers online
I notice that the colours in the room seem to fade
like watercolour stains
I'm just trying to find meaning
just trying to validate
vicariously
this life of mine
trying to forget
that there are two sides
and that online is not
is not listening aaaaaa!!
I'm not your words!!
I'm hardly my own
so please leave me alone
just leave me alone
just leave me alone
just leave me alone