Why Am I Not Good Enough

Why am I not good enough
When I try so hard to get there
Why am I not where I want
Why do I think that I can be
Sometimes
I wanna fade into the universe
And leave my name and my number don’t call
Tear me till there’s nothing left
I’ve been dreaming bout a car crash
If i could laugh myself to death
I think the pain would go away for good
Draw until my wrist would break
Then I’ll do the other one
Scream until I used to sing
Never make another song
Bleed until my heart had nothing left to pump but oxygen
I could be so down on myself if i wanted
Two poles every now and then I feel divided
How am I to know if my emotions have meaning
When it’s easy in morning and by night I feel defeated
Drowning in my shower
Please don’t give up hope for me
Fight myself for hours
Manic and I oversleep
Cry until I’m blinded
How am I supposed to be
If I had my answers
Things would be exactly the same
I don’t know that I’ll ever change
I think my vaccination’s worked
I hope that I won’t be the same
I’m stagnant when I wanted growth
And all my music’s so selfish
It reflects me well it seems
And all my needs are so pointless
When I don’t forget to breathe
If you could love me
Tell me and I’ll try to know
If you don’t hate me
Please don’t ever let me go
I feel so small and all the small things eat me up like I’m the weakest part
They all just harm my body