Denial [Lemonade Poem, Part 2]

I tried to change closed my mouth more
Tried to be soft, prettier less awake
Fasted for 60 days wore white
Abstained from mirrors abstained from sex
Slowly did not speak another word
And that time my hair I grew past my ankles
I slept on a mat on the floor
I swallowed a sword i levitated
Into the basement confessed my sins
And was baptized in a river
Got on my knees and said, "Amen"
And said, "I mean" i whipped my own back
And asked for dominion at your feet
I threw myself into a volcano
I drank the blood and drank the wine
I sat alone and begged and bent
At the waist for God
I crossed myself in thought i saw the devil
I grew thickened skin on my feet
I bathed in bleach
And plugged my menses with the
Pages from the holy book
But still inside me coiled deep
Was the need to know are you cheating?
Are you cheating on me?