VHS/Homecoming/A Friend (Demo)

[VHS]
Help me get a better understanding of
Why I deserve the same of love
As everyone who is around me
I feel like I don't match up to them

I need something to make me feel so special
I wanna go out and not feel like a piece of shit
How can you tell if what you just said was fine
Or if everbody's looking at you weird now

When I was a kid it didn't make no sense
Why people didn't wanna be my friend
But looking back now that I'm older
I think I completely understand

I want it to still mattеr that it's summer
I don't care if what I'm saying sounds like total shit
It hurts whеn you internalize the fact that you
Aren't ever gonna feel okay again

I don't know if anyone can hear me
I don’t wanna know what I have to do
But details make everything so boring
I can't help it I can't control the way I feel

I don't know if anyone could hear me
And I don't know if anybody cares
You just watched me and everybody watched you
You just hurt me and everybody laughed

I wanted to go break my leg on purpose
Just so I could stay away from school
I faked sick so I was allowed to stay home
I thought I was faking being sick

I broke my very favorite VHS tape
When I was just about 6 years old
I did it on purpose because I didn't like that one scene even Though I liked the rest

I knew what I did it couldn't be undone
I felt like the dumbest person in the world
But I couldn't do anything to make it better
I went crying to my dad and told him what I did
And he wasn't proud of me

And if you just want it to be alright
God damn it then it's never gonna be alright
But if you think you need a little advice
Don't worry you ain't supposed to feel alright

And I don't wanna be alone God damn it
I don't wanna be alone God damn it
I don't never wanna be alone God damn I swear

And I know it's better left unsaid, but God damn it
I know it's better left unsaid, but God damn it
I know it's better left unsaid, but God damn it
I can't just unsay it now

[Homecoming]
Spent the whole summer in the rain
And when I came out I felt like a part of me had changed
But the more that I get older and away
Those people who changed me they all just seemed to go away

When you care more about having friends
Then you do about being honest with them
All it's gonna do is not make any sense
No, all it's gonna do is not make any sense

'Cause I felt like Jesus Christ had come to get me
He was telling me what I've done wrong
But I didn't wanna hear it
No, God damn it
I just really wanted to go home

And I thought that it was better to keep on saying nothing
Than risk talking and saying something wrong
When she cried, I didn't hold her
I didn't even touch her
'Cause I thought that she would take it wrong

And her mama called the police
Or maybe she didn't
But she threatened me with it on the phone
'Cause I kept her daughter out way later than her curfew
And she didn't really like that at all

And she said her mama told her she ain't supposed to see me
Said that we couldn't hang out anymore
And she really kept her promise
I still don't wanna see her
She don't even live here anymore

And I'm sorry for the years that I spent doing nothing
I was crying on my bedroom floor
But I don’t wanna do it
No, God damn it
I don’t wanna do it anymore

[A Friend]
I saw your message on the window pane
I felt your presence underneath me
I know you are in a better place now
I wrote a letter and I put it in the ground

I don't think you knew how that much you meant to me
But I won't ever make that same mistake again
What could I do? I was only 6 years old
No one ever talked to me about death

I knew you weren't getting any better but
I thought that we would have a little more time
I hope that your time with me was worth it
I hope you don’t have to wear the eyepatch

I lost the video game you gave me
It had your name written on the title screen
I wish I had it in my bedroom
I wish I could talk to you again