honest

If I'm honest with myself
About what I was feeling
About what I was reeling from
Could you even see it?
Was there something to be noticed?
What good would it do for me
To resurface memories
To think about all the times I've come undone?
Woah, woah

I'm sick of writing sad songs
Sick of thinking "what's wrong"
Sick of shaking hands and bad thoughts
Sick of carrying boulders
Sick of thinking "hold her"
Sick of sobbing into pillows and shoulders
If I'm honest with myself

If you were honest with yourself
Would you even recognize
The image you hide behind
What reality feels like versus the show you know?
Where did you go wrong?
Could you point it out?
Trace it back to when they first started
To when it got loud
Could you understand
What it meant to be human?
To try and put aside the lies, the masks to try to face them
There's screaming inside your head
You try to null it out instead
Spiraling deeper into distractions that never leave your bed
Woah, woah

You're sick of hearing sad songs
Sick of crying "what's wrong"
Sick of shaking hands, and bad thoughts
Sick of laying frozen
of crying "no one knows it"
Sick of only finding peace in your headphones
If you're honest with yourself

If I'm honest with myself
What did I lose
And what did I gain
What was joy
And what was pain
I think I forgot myself
Even my name
I think I forgot myself

I'm sick of writing sad songs
Sick of thinking "what's wrong"
Sick of shaking hands and bad thoughts
Sick of carrying boulders
Sick of thinking "hold her"
Sick of sobbing into pillows and shoulders

I'm sick of singing sad songs
Sick of knowing what's wrong
Sick of doing nothing to turn it around
Sick of laying in my bed
Sick of voices in my head
Sick of living when everything around me feels dead
If I'm honest with myself