Strictly Genteel (The Finale)
Theodore Bikel:
This, as you might have guessed, is the end of the movie. The entire cast is assembled here at the Centerville Recreational Facility to bid farewell to you, and to express thanks for your attendance at this theater. This might seem old fashioned to some of you, but I'd like to join in on this song. It's the kind of a sentimental song that you get at the end of a movie, it's the kind of a song that people might sing to let you in the audience know that we really like you and care about you, yeah... Understand how hard it is to laugh these days, with all the terrible problems in the world!
Lord, have mercy on the people in England
For the terrible food these people must eat
(Baaahhh... excuse me a minute)
And may the Lord have mercy on the fate of this movie
And God bless the mind of the man in the street
Help all the rednecks and the flatfoot policemen
Through the terrible functions they all must perform
God help the winos, the junkies, and the weirdos
And every poor soul who's adrift in the storm.
Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction
Phyllis Bryn-Julson:
A room and a meal
And a garbage disposal
A lawn and a hose'll
Be strictly genteel
Reach out your hand to the girl in the dog book
The girl in the pig book, and the one with the horse
Make sure they keep all those businessmen happy
And the purple-lipped censors and the Germans of course
Help everybody, so they all get some action
Some love on the weekend, some real satisfaction
A Swedish apparatus
With a hood and a bludgeon
With a microwave oven
"Honey, how do it feel?"
Lord, have mercy on the hippies and faggots
And the dykes and the weird little children they grow
Help the black man
Help the poor man
Help the milk man
Help the door man
Help the lonely, neglected old farts that I know
Theodore Bikel:
It's been swell havin' you with us tonight, folks!
Mark:
But, don't leave the theater yet, 'cause there's still more to come, but before we go on, I want to introduce to you my friend and musical associate, Howard Kaylan, who's going to give us all a final closing benediction
They're gonna clear out the studio
They're gonna tear down all the...
They're gonna whip down all the...
They're gonna sweep out all the...
They're gonna pay off all the...
(Oh, yeah!)
And then...
And then...
And then...
And then...
Hey hey hey, everybody in the orchestra and the chorus
Talkin' 'bout every one of our lovely and talented dancers
Talkin' 'bout the light bulb men
Camera men
The make-up men
(The fake-up men)
Yeah, the rake-up men
(Especially Herbie Cohen, yeah...)
They're all gonna rise up
They're gonna jump up
I said jump up
Talkin' 'bout jump right up and off the floor
Jump right up and hit the door
They're all gonna rise up and jump off!
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
They're gonna ride on home
And once again
Take themselves
Seriously, yeeeah!
Two, three, four, seriously
They're all gonna go home (ye-hey!)
Through the driving sleet and rain
They're all gonna go home
Through the fog, through the dust
Through the tropical fever and the blistering frost
They're all gonna go home
And get out of it as they can be, baby
And the same goes for me
(The same goes for me)
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
And each and every member of this rock oriented comedy group in his own special way
Is gonna get out of it as he can be
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
We all gonna get wasted
We all gonna get twisted
And I am definitely gonna get...
REAMED
'Cause I'm such a lonely
I'm such a lonely
A lonely, lonely, talkin' 'bout a lonely guy!
Oh, and I know tonight, I am definitely...
I am positively...
I just have to get...
BENT, REAMED AND WASTED
JCB: A disaster area the size of Atlantic City, New Jersey!
Howard: He's making me do this, ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't do it if it weren't for him. You noticed, all through this material, I've been glancing over toward my left? Well, I'll tell you the reason for that, ladies and gentlemen. HE is over there. HE is over on the left. HE is the guy that is making me do all this shit. Right over there. Now all through this movie, every time we've been on stage, I've had to look over in that direction, right? You saw it... you know. Well that's 'cause HE's over there. I've got to watch him for signs. He jumps up and down like a jackass. I can't even believe the guy sometimes. But we gotta watch him. "After all," we said, "it's Frank's movie." Now, we're THE MOTHERS, but it's still Frank's movie. Let's say it, he got to paid for it, he rented the studio, had all these cheesy sets built... it's so moche! I can't even stand it... He's telling everybody, right now, right over there, to...