Don’t, Darren, Don’t

Don't, Darren, don't
Drive your panda car out to the old abandoned farm
And don't, Darren, don't
Leave your police radio on the back seat, with your phone
You might as well get into a spitfire
Clutching a photograph
Of the fiancee who you promised
This mission would be your last

Don't, Darren, don't
See a strangely glowing shape and decide to investigate
Don't, Darren, don't
Get any closer and then shout 'Is there anyone about?'
You might as well go down the basement
Of a haunted house
Saying 'There's no such thing as ghosts!'
Just as the lights go out

Turn around and look behind you Darren
When you heard a sound I doubt that it was nothing
Every time I see you in films, Darren
I shout 'Turn around' but the same thing always happens

You'll be teleporting down to a planet
Wearing a red shirt
If someone's getting shot with a phaser gun
It won't be Captain Kirk
Or you'll be diving into the ocean
Scoffing at the warning flags
Saying 'These lifeguards don't know what they're talking about -
Sharks never attack'
Or you'll be driving the super-villain
In your lorry to the prison yard
Taunting Magneto, saying 'You'll never escape
From behind these iron bars!'

Don't, Darren, don't
Come running crying home to me
You won't get any sympathy
Just don't