Apocalypse Prepared

Vampires, earthquakes, meteorites
The rise of the machines
Werewolves, rapture, nanotech
They don't bother me
Global warming, solar flares
I've read it all before
I've kept my DVD boxsets
Behind the shelter door

Cos I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you

If there's a zombie outbreak
Or if evil aliens land
I'll be fine cos I've stocked up
On water and bullets and cans
And when you beg for help I'll say
Didn't you used to teach
On a mandatory all-day course
That began with "a little bit about me"?

And I bet you voted UKIP
I bet you voted leave
I bet you think The Beatles
Are not as good as Queen

Well I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you

When it isn't Easter I bet you buy hot cross buns
You sent X Factor to Christmas Number one
You leave reciepts in the cash machine
On a crowded train you give your bag a seat
You don't send Christmas cards or give to charity
You have opinions about lossless mp3s

I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you

I'm prepared for anything
Except, maybe, what if
It's you who's actually all right
And it's me who is the git?

I've read comics
And I've watched telly
Come the apocalypse I'll be ready
I'll know exactly what to do
Which does not include saving you