Golf

If you want a linguistic adventure
Go drinking with a Scotsman 'Cause ya
Can't fucking understand him before
You land in Scotland and they're going, " Oh
Yeah sure oh, fuck sure, eh! Sure
You dumb fucking bastard you realize how"

You realize how drunk they get
They could wear a skirt and not care! And
Only they could invent a sport like golf

"Here's my idea for a fucking sport: I
Knock a ball in a gopher hole"
"Oh, you mean like pool?" "Fuck off pool"
"Not with a straight stick, with a little
Fucked up stick i whack a ball
It goes in a gopher hole"
"Oh, you mean like croquet?
"Fuck croquet! I'll put the hole
Hundreds of yards away
Oh, fuck of, yeah! Big fun! Ah yeah
That's great!" "Oh, like a bowling thing?
"Fuck no! Not straight i'll put shit in the
Way like trees and bushes and high grass, so
You can lose you fucking ball and go whacking
Away with a fucking tire iron whacking away
And each time you miss you feel like
You're going to have a stroke fuck!
That's what we'll call it: a stroke 'Cause
Each time you miss you feel
Like you're gonna fucking die oh, this
Is the greatest part, oh, and
Here's the better part fuck, this is
Brilliant! Right near the end
I'll put a little flat piece with
A little flag to give you fucking hope but
Then I'll put a pool and a
Sandbox to fuck with your ball again ay
You'll be there cracking your ass
Jerking away in the sand"
"And you do this one time?
"Fuck no! 18 fucking times!"
That's my idea of a sport!
The manly sport of golf
Where you can dress like a pimp and
No one will care where you
Could wear clothes where
Even a blind gay man would go: "Oh
Dear Christ! Those are loud this
Is no carnival what a fuck are you on?" Even
The alligator's going: "Asshole!"

It's such an exciting athletic sport
Too: whack the
Ball, get in the cart, whack the ball
Get in the cart

And the commentary's electrifying
Just aside of
Curling for really getting me going

"We're on the third green now
Could people be quieter
I'd like to hear the grass
Grow" I want the guy
Who does Mexican soccer to do
Golf one time "The ball is rolling
The ball is going to the hole!"
Just to see all those Washington
Motherfuckers going, "Oh, dear
Christ! My God, they're
Not gardening, they're playing now, oh
Shit!" What the hell we gonna do?"

Because that was their last
Domain of dominance it
Was their area they were the king
Up until Tiger! Yes! Son of
A black man and a Thai
Woman not even a German
Geneticist could've thought than one
Up! Black athletic ability
Buddhist concentration ji TOY crouching
Putter and then he goes to the British
Open, and he plays at St andrews
Where they fucking invented the
Sport and after
The 4th round, he's 18 under par
And there's only 18 fucking
Holes and all the old men going, "Oh, my God
We're doomed! How did he learn to
Play? We wouldn't have let
Him join" And they start having
Nightmares of golf carts going:

Yo, yo, yo, I'm playing through
Whether you're gentile or a Jew
Purple Beats, motherfucker!