Last Can Blues

[Verse 1]
Well the wife's gone away to her sister's (Sister's)
And I'd like to say that I've missed her (Missed her)
But while the wife's away, I'm gonna play
I'm gonna get leathered watching Match of the Day

So I'll nip off over to kitchen (Kitchen)
For another drink, I'm itching (Itching)
I get there and then I get a lump in my throat
"Don't forget the shopping", says the wife's note

I open the fridge, I see I've run out of booze
'Eavens above! I've got the last can blues

[Verse 2]
So I'm sat 'ere trying to get merry (Merry)
I've drunk all the wife's cooking sherry (Sherry)
I'm sobering up, I'm in terrible pain
I've even drunk that liqueur that we bought in Spain

Being stuck home sober gives me fear (Me fear)
I polished off the Tia Maria (Ria)
I'm a desperate man, I'll do owt for a drink
Should I try that methylated spirits under the sink?

I'm gonna swig the Bailey's, I've got nothing to lose
I'm a bitter man, with the last can blues

[Chorus]
I've got the last can blues (Last can blues)
Yeah, the last can blues (Last can blues)
[?] wanna tell the news
I've run out of ale, I've got the last can blues

[Bridge (spoken)]
I'm spittin' feathers!
Come on then, let's have a look at the cabinet here, what've we got?
Babycham? Eurgh, in the bin
Lambrini? That's for her, she can have that, put to one side
I'm not drinking snowballs, or Sheridan's, or Advocaat, they're for Christmas, put 'em to one side
Cherry B? Pff, you're 'avin a laugh ain't ya? Where's that come from?
Ouzo? Oh it's Greek, let- Eurgh, ew, nasty
Smart Price can of shandy? In the bin, ta-ra!

[Verse 3]
Oh I'd do anything for a can of Directors
I'm sober going mad like Hannibal Lecter
It's driving me mad, I'm bouncing off the walls
'Cause all's left to drink, is a load of balls

That's B-O-L-S, it's- it's a ruddy short drink

[Chorus]
I've got the last can blues (Last can blues)
Yeah the last can blues (Last can blues)
I'm not drinking Malibu, I flatly refuse
I'm gasping for a pint, I've got the last can blues

[Outro (spoken)]
Ohhhh, something take away this dry throat
(Last can blues)