The Winkle Man

"I'll tell you a story about a geezer called the Winkle Man, a right dirty sod!

The Winkle Man comes down the street
And serves all the ladys
What do you know, nine months on
They've all got prams and babys

"The funny thing about, he was right little shrimp! Musta had some cockle"

He used to sell them celery
And according to the dirty talk
He asked them what they liked best:
The knob end, or the stalk!

"No wonder my old woman used to come in here with a smile on her face, I'll smash his face in!"

He'd go down to his local pub
For a pint and a packet of crisps
The barmaid's got a 48
And he always grabs her tits, like coconuts!

"Smells like a little bit of bacon rind. When I go down to the pub, I always take a bit of bread for the ducks *quack quack*. Negatory rubber duck. I'll give you 10-4"

A girl he had was a noisy bird
She used to scream and moan
She shouted 'help!' He said 'you silly cow
I can manage on me own'

"What, do you want to bring the neighbors in then? Oh what do you want, a gang bang then?"

She said 'I was a virgin
Now I've been done twice in a day'
He said 'Twice?, But it's only once'
She said 'right, you gonna dash away?'

"Allright, be gentle with me, it's only my second time . . . today"

When he was young and in his prime
He'd have a woman any old time
Now he's old and getting gray
He seems to, like the, other way!

"Well I suppose there's no harm in him being a shirt-lifter, it just means there's more birds for all the fellows in the pub!"

[Winkle Man]: "Winkle, Winkle!"
[Judge Dread]: "Oh christ, here he comes again! Gay boys in bondage. Do you want a drink?"
[W. M.]: "Yes please sailor"
[J. D.]: "Who are you calling sailor? I'll smash you in the gob!"
[W. M.]: "Up your's, butch!"
[J. D.]: "I'll give you up your's! You, bum burgler! Take that!