I Put My Low Stat

[Verse]
I put my low stat in charisma
Got no sex appeal
Thought I'd play the fighter
So I could maim and kill
Live like a monk
'Cause I'm no hunk
Baby, what's the deal?
I put my low stat in charisma

[Verse]
I put my low stat in my wisdom
Thought I'd play the thief
Got a lot of skill points
They bring me no relief
I failed my save, Charm Person's slave
Now I've come to grief
I put my low stat in my wisdom

[Verse]
I put my low stat in—can't spell it
But I think it means you're smart
I rolled up a barbarian
And he's a work of art
Don't call him "clown"
He'll hold you down
And on your head he'll fart
I put my low stat in—can't spell it

[Verse]
I put my low stat in dexterity
I'll play an armored priest
When we all roll initiative
I always have the least
Can't save at all
Against fireball
Now I am deceased
I put my low stat in dexterity

[Verse]
I put my low stat in my strength score
And I can't hit a thing
I thought I might just be okay
If I had magic bling
No vorpal sword
And god, I'm bored
I miss on every swing
I put my low stat in my strength score

[Instrumental]

[Verse]
I put my low stat in constitution
Now I'm always sad
I usually go unconscious
Which makes the cleric mad
My blood won't clot
Got mummy rot
Eyesight's really bad
I put my low stat in constitution

[Verse]
I don't know where I'll put my low stat
It's only seventeen
I wonder why the other guys
Have started turning green
You think they'd be
So glad for me
Instead they're really mean
I don’t know where I'll put my low stat

[Verse/Outro]
I don't know where I'll put my low stat
Think all the rolls were shit
My dungeon master thinks it's fun
To irk me just a bit
"No class will work,"
I told the jerk—
"You could always quit!"
I don't know where I'll put my low stat
I don't know where I'll put my low stat
I don't know where—
[spoken:] I know where you can stick that low stat
I don't know where I'll put my low stat