Not Accidental

Gotta trace my steps back
It all happened so fuckin fast
When I looked over my shoulder
There was nothing left

I can't recall
If I hit the brakes or if I hit the gas
Jumped out ran 100 yards
All I could do was
Aarrgh

Did I erase myself?
Question lingers through all these years
Everytime I hear a trains brakes crack
I wonder where I could have been

I think about this still
In bed staring at the wall
Think of all the near misses
Do I deserve this?

I watched so many people
Leave this place before their fair time
What makes me fucking special?
What do I owe?

Wish I could regain that feeling
The mystic majesty of not knowing anything
Fall in love with the moon again
Like when nothing else mattered but that moment
Like an early night in December
Before the sun went away
And the air was still
And the moon was bright and full
That feeling
Nostalgic innocence
The weight of nothing crushing down on my chest
When the sounds all fade away into static
And all there was, was the smell of the cold
The feeling of having no one
And nothing
And the moon

Do we reconsider?
Souls frozen in time without answers
Once the ocean was above your head
You knew everyone was helpless
No one could see
And you didn't care anymore
Does it give you strength beyond reason
Escape with your poisons
Undershoot every moment and season
Forget any possible reason to overwhelm
And watch us all float away as the water erases what could have been amazing